A restaurant to cry for 12 November 2015

Our wheels ambled calmly along the Côte d’Or, the Burgundy gold cost, when suddenly an alarming rumbling sounded from beneath our seatbelts. Hunger. Unfortunately this arose at a most ill suited moment: we found ourselves in the most expensive wine village of the world.
But we had no choice. The only restaurant for miles around was so frightfully posh it was cordoned off with crush barriers.

weg

Our wheels ambled calmly along the Côte d’Or, the Burgundy gold cost, when suddenly an alarming rumbling sounded from beneath our seatbelts. Hunger. Unfortunately this arose at a most ill suited moment: we found ourselves in the most expensive wine village of the world.

But we had no choice. The only restaurant for miles around was so frightfully posh it was cordoned off with crush barriers.

resto

The prices were amped up to astronomical heights, which was why the all but empty restaurant was solely inhabited by a few wealthy Chinese.
This did open up some interesting opportunities for psychological and anthropological observation. We were able to study up close how the affluent easterners, all the while tipping back large tumblers of Romanée-Conti, kept up to speed with the Nikkei-index on their phones.

 

wijn

Opening the ‘Carte des Vins’ was a unique experience that led to what is medically known as acute cardiac arrest.
After skillful mouth-to-mouth resuscitation by the winegrower’s lover we asked the waitress meekly for a bottle of house red.

 

borden

The next experience of note was the cuisine itself. Which turned out to be attuned to the palate of the oriental guests.
Hence we had the choice between a dish of raw jellyfish in a sauce of toy poodle urine (on the left) or strips of dog foreskin on a bed of buffalo testicles (pictured right).

 

kaas

The biggest event of that lunch hour however unfolded at the end of our meal. In order to please their Eastern benefactors to the depths of their follicles, the managers had flown in a specially trained waiter from China.
Knife in hand, the exotic specialist was poised for attack behind the cheese mobile laden with highly aromatic French fromages.

 

kaas
It was clear that this was his first encounter with this element of Cuisine Francaise. Cautiously the easterner poked at a piece of Epoisses, a red cheese with a scent that makes the wallpaper peel off the walls. After this fearsome stinker had been served, the cheese novice applied himself to a Vieille Tomme, a Pyrenean sheep’s cheese that, because of her impenetrable structure, is sometimes used in the reinforcement of dams. When he, after a number of feverish attempts, he had failed to gain even an inch on his unpasteurized opponent, the young cheese master’s eyes glazed over.
With a savage war cry he plunged on his adversary. ”CHIHUWAWAAAAAH!’

 

ch

We watched in astonishment as our Chinese fellow diners purchased a summer-house-with-swimming-pool-worth of wine to take home.
It was time to leave this parallel universe. Financially depleted but mentally enriched, we returned to our own planet.

 

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